Visionimpositionitis

During a recent workshop I met a high school sophomore (I’ll call her ‘Carmen’) who was suffering from something I call Visionimpositionitis - a condition whereby the sufferer accepts the vision that her parents or other loved ones have for her future rather than pursue what she believes to be her true calling. Initially, Carmen’s condition was difficult to detect. When we were introduced I asked her what she hoped to do after she graduated. Without hesitation she laid out her 10-year plan which concluded with her becoming a doctor and working in private practice. If it was not for the blank look she had in her eyes as she walked me through her plan she would have fooled me. As the day progressed and we became more comfortable with one another she asked me about my work. When she found out that my family runs a performance arts program (http://www.originationinc.com/) she became extremely excited and began to talk about her fascination with the arts. After a while, I asked her when she first decided to pursue medicine. Her response made my heart sink a little. She said, “I didn’t. My parents did.” When I asked her what she really wanted to do in life her eyes lit up and she proclaimed, “I want to dance!”

I am very familiar with the challenges that artists face so I understand Carmen’s parents’ reluctance to endorse dance as a career choice. I expressed the same concern years ago when one of my younger brothers told me he wanted to become a professional basketball player. I knew he had talent. But I also knew that his dream was a long shot. The thought of him struggling financially as an adult or suffering the disappointment of not ‘making it’ was just too much. I felt the most responsible thing would be to encourage him to pursue a more stable career. While he’s found fulfillment and success as a spoken word artist and an educator (http://www.omekongo.com/), I sometimes wonder how different his life might have been had I not imposed my fears on him.

Since meeting Carmen, I’ve met several young people, in various stages of life, who are suffering from Visionimpositionitis. And if I had a dollar for every adult I know who is living with the condition, I would have enough to travel the world several times over. It’s time for a change.

I believe that one of the best things that we can do to maximize our children’s chances of success is to encourage them to pursue career paths that (1) match their interests and talents and (2) bring them joy and satisfaction. We should not allow our fears to become an obstacle to their personal and professional fulfillment. If we, the adult members of the proverbial ‘village’ do our part and arm our children with a solid education, resilience, confidence and healthy self-esteem, they will be more than equipped to wheather the ups and downs of any career path they choose. As long as their pursuits do not cause harm to themselves or others why not give our children the support and encouragement they need to explore the world and pursue their dreams? Sure, they may suffer setbacks occasionally. In those times we should be there to pick them up and dust them off without judgment or a barrage of I told you so’s. If left untreated, young people who suffer from Visionimpositionitis grow up to be dissatisfied, unfulfilled adults who settle for what life brings rather than take advantage of all that life has to offer. Our youth deserve better than that.

Thanks for Listening!

M.B. Dibinga
http://www.bijimbaconsulting.com/

P.S. If you are an adult who is still suffering from the side affects of Visionimpositionitis remember - you're never too old and it's never too late. Change your life!